The Journey, not the Destination

Seeking Bettie Page

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Hope abides
So, I am taking this week off of working out. I'm just feeling so worn out from the stress of my illness and my injuries that I think a few days off will do me good. Especially my elbow. It still hurts. It hurt so bad Sunday night that it kept me up. It doesn't hurt too bad today, but the pain has moved from the tendon itself to the muscles. So now my forearm is tweaked. Grip strength is ridiculously poor. Even just typing this hurts.

I met with Ellie today and talked to her about my issues with Dr. P. She took my side, which meant a lot to me. And she's gonna sit with me on the 1st when I have my next appointment - to be my ally. That is a huge relief. And when I got back to my car, I had a message from the Colorado Physicians Health Program, they got me an earlier (than the 2nd) appointment for next week. I'm looking forward to getting my second opinion. Especially after chatting with Dr. Ramey for a bit about exercise, depression and meds. He is a firm believer that exercise should cure me. So why am I feeling so poor? I think my doses were TOO HIGH. I've been on the half dose now for two-plus weeks, and I am actually feeling better. I am getting school work done.

I have my re-test tomorrow for OPP. Went over all the techniques and diagnoses again. But I am terrified that I am going to freeze up tomorrow morning. Obviously, I'll be taking a pill before. Maybe then I won't cry and freeze up.

I'm on a detox cleanse today and tomorrow. Went to weigh in this afternoon - after a whole day, two meals and a snack (and no poo all day long) and I was at my lowest ever. Broke (finally) into a new decade. It is official 19 lbs to go. 67 down.


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